I decided to get birth control pills and we were anxiously awaiting til they kicked in. but by the time they did he stopped being as affectionate. He even told "me" to stop being so lovey in public at one point. He said he was affectionate at first because he wanted to take as much of me in as possible in the beginning but now he wants a best friends as well as a girlfriend.

So I’ve been on the pill for 2 months. We've had sex twice. He said he's just goes thru stages where he's not in the mood. But I know he looks at porn on his computer. And on top of it when we do have sex, it's more aimed at getting him off then about my needs. I just don't understand what is going on. When I act worried that something is wrong with our relationship he says I need to stop worrying and it's all in my head. - nomoreiloveus

Dear Nomoreiloveus: All in your head? Sounds like the mantra of someone that doesn’t want to address a problem that is right in front of them. You should be worried.

In this it seems you have taken great care to protect your uterus while leaving your heart unguarded. You were smart to get on birth control, and waited until they were effective. I take this as meaning you abstained beforehand and that makes me wonder why you didn’t use condoms during that time. This to me, along with the fact that as soon as you had a green light he hit the breaks, would suggest that he has a major issue with pregnancy, and that could be part of the reason his affections have cooled off, but I would suspect this runs deeper. Perhaps he thrives on the ‘high’ of a new relationship, and now that you are past that first flirtatious stage he does not find the relationship as appealing.

The bigger issue is his inability or unwillingness to honestly discuss his feelings… not a rarity among males, however this is the time of your relationship where you establish your foundation, and without a strong foundation, one built on trust and mutual understanding, the rest of the relationship will be unstable.

There is nothing wrong with him wanting you to be best friends, that’s a great goal for lovers, but last time I checked you could still grab your best friend / lover and kiss them in the middle of the park without being told to knock it off. It’s an excuse for something else that is gong on. A real best friend would talk with you about everything, not tell you it was ‘in your head‘.

Watch out for your heart and use your head. If it feels wrong, it probably is.

TheDevlyn

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